I am tired of hearing about new houses. I am tired of hearing about new marriages. I am tired of hearing about new babies. I am tired of seeing photos of new babies. I am tired of watching the personalities of my peers disappear into the ether because of crossing all those rites of passage.
I am tired of all of my peers no longer trying to talk to me because I have not crossed those rites of passage ... and they are just soooo busy.
It's not fair.
I will never do these things ... and if I do these things, I will not flaunt it and I will not make anyone else feel strange for not doing them. Because when and if I make such decisions, it will be because it's right for my life alone. It will not be because I can't feel good enough about myself without flaunting some kind of material possession or adult rite of passage for the world to see.
Those things all become empty and lose their meaning when people stop paying attention. The stuff I pursue does not. Because I work hard to get it and it's rife with meaning from the start. And I don't do anything just so I can show it off because it makes me feel better about myself ... as though I'd never taken the time to figure out who I really am and have to keep getting these external things.
Am I angry? Not really. Just disillusioned. Disillusioned with people who change once they reach a certain age ... once they become ma'ams and sirs all in the timespan of one night.
It's disgusting.
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